In a rather shocking display of vulgarity, Electronic Arts' former VP of global online operations, Lars Butler, proclaimed yesterday that multiplayer gaming is the future - and that solo play is the equivalent of treating yourself a ham shank.

For readers who are neither English nor regular subscribers of Viz, let us make this a little bit clearer for you. A former major exec in the games industry has just called most of the gamers in the world wankers. Onanists. Masturbating Chimps.

Butler, now CEO with start-up TWN, told a shocked and stunned audience at a panel discussion focusing on online gaming at California's Churchill Club: "Linear entertainment in single-player is to media what masturbation is to sex. It'll always be there, but it is not the real experience."

Ra Ra Ra... Butler's comments were echoed by Raph Koster, chief creative officer at Sony Online Entertainment, who also reckons online gaming is the bollocks.

"The entire video game industry's history thus far has been an aberration. It has been a mutant monster only made possible by unconnected computers…. The single-player game is a strange mutant monster which has only existed for 21 years and is about to go away because it is unnatural and abnormal." Koster said.

Microsoft’s Ming The Merciless look-alike Peter Moore then waded in with a load more ‘shocking’ quotes about how single player gaming is over including this one: “offline seems primitive at this point."

SPOnG can’t help but feel that Butler, Koster and Moore have some kind of vested interest in the commercial potential of online gaming. Call it a hunch.


wank n.
1. Masturbation. As in "If you have a wank every day you'll go blind".
2. n. Rubbish. e.g. "Don't talk wank".
3. v. To masturbate. As in "My brother wanks all the time and he's got perfect eyesight".

bollocks n.
1. Nonsense; balls, as in: "That's utter bollocks, that is". (cf 'The Bollocks' meaning good)
2. Knackers; balls, as in: "Them's massive bollocks, thems is". See also ballocks.

(Source: Roger’s Profanisaurus)